Winter Driving Lessons

This winter weather seems to bring out the best of the worst drivers in the area. Perhaps you have come across –  or got stuck behind –  a few bad drivers recently. Maybe you haven’t, in which case you are probably a bad driver, the hottest hot button for 95% of our community.  If you haven’t figured it out by the honking and hand “waving”, everyone in this town despises bad drivers.
To the driver who leaves a 5-foot gap between cars when parking:
You deserve a ding the size of a satellite dish in all of your doors.  It’s cold out and your need to hog two spaces is highly annoying. If you feel your car needs space to grow wings, go to the far end of the parking lot and consume as many spots as you’d like – especially on the below-zero days.

To the driver too “scared” to take a right on red:
You need to get rear-ended by a large truck soon.  This way, you might learn how to take a right on red when it’s appropriate to do so.  Granted roads are slick and acceleration is iffy this time of year, but as a guideline, waiting for cars in the next county isn’t necessary.

To the driver who hovers mid-lane:
Pick a lane, please. The lanes are difficult to see in the winter. However, the two vehicles behind about to take out each of your car’s taillights should serve as a good indication that you’re doing something wrong.  P.S. You should have never passed your drivers’ test. 

To the driver who refuses to signal (or signals when it’s too late): 
When we’re driving around on this ice rink we call “Fargo” a little heads-up previous to cutting someone off is appreciated.  For those wishing to turn left across two lanes of oncoming traffic without signaling your intentions, watch the driver behind you as you sit as helpless as a beetle on its back and wait for traffic. During your wait, evaluate the number of cars flying by your stand-still operation, which could have included the person behind you had they known you were turning.  Instead, they’re wasting time due to your lack of courtesy. 

To the lost driver:  
If you don’t know where you’re going, pull over and figure it out on your own time. Nobody enjoys watching you plug up the lane while you debate whether to turn. If you find yourself in this situation frequently, think about doing the community a favor and purchase a GPS. I’ll even chip in.

To the yellow light anticipator:
It’s nice that you want to be Mr. Safety, but when the light is green, don’t slow down. Keep going until its red. Not yellow. Red.

We really shouldn’t need a brochure for these kinds of things. A little courtesy and common sense goes a long way. See ya out there!

Shootin’ the Wit is a column about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.

5 Responses

  1. Little Car Owner

    Midwest nice does not apply to driving. I know that the roads are bad but blinkers and proper parking should not be affected by the winter months.This part of the world turns into a horrible place to drive during the 7 months of winter. I drive a very small fuel friendly car and the smaller the car the less respect you get as a driver. Summer better come soon.

    1. Snoop

      I Disagree… I drive a small car, yet I command total respect on the road! It’s not about the size; it’s how you use it… I mean drive it!

      1. Adam Miller

        Snoop, I am not sure how big your car is, but I bet it is smaller then a large pickup. Your command, you think you have, is a terrible assumption. Car vs. Truck? Car loses every time.

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