It’s amazing what some people do in public. Not amazing as in heroically saving a grandma from getting clobbered by a bus or picking up the tab for the person behind you in the drive-thru. Amazing as in I-can’t-believe-you-just-did-that-and-now-you’re-doing-it-again-please-stop-now kind of amazing.
So not really all that amazing.
I’m not solely referring to the people who pick their nose or have very loud, personal conversations on their cell phone. It doesn’t even bottom out with the couples groping each other in the middle of the toilet paper aisle as you maneuver your cart around them.
The absolute worst act to be performed in public is clipping fingernails. People who compromise the wellbeing of the public by carrying out this should-be-private activity in public are baffling, not to mention annoying and disgusting.
I’m smart enough to know it’s not just my fingernails that launch so far that I’ve opted to wear safety goggles when trimming my nails. And out of courtesy to the people around me, my nails are never clipped in public because I know those little suckers fly and no matter how you angle the clipper, there’s no controlling where the nail is going to fall. This is gross.
Public clippers can show up anywhere. You could be enjoying your just-ordered Mocha Latte Chai Frappe when you hear it.
Covering your drink, you look around.
Here? Is someone really doing that here?
Where are they? Who is that?
“Tink tink tink!”
THREE IN A ROW?!
“Frink! Tink! Chip!”
Gross! Gross! Gross!!
How does something as small as a fingernail clipper make such a distinct, audible noise when it meets something as fragile as a finger nail?
Public clipping is just another thing the people of the world don’t see eye-to-eye on. Come to think of it, seeing eye-to-eye might be even less of a possibility if people keep clipping their nails in public.
Shootin’ the Wit is a column about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.