I turned 27 this week. I know. 27. Wow.
Before every elder reading this sighs and goes back to drinking their Metamucil, let me explain that I actually am starting to feel a little… aged.
It hit me as I examined my forehead in the mirror and noticed three lengthy creases. They weren’t exactly difficult to spot. And so, as a tribute to my non-monumental birthday, I thought I’d write a quick some’m-some’m on a few things I’ve learned over the years, as well as a few things I’d never thought I’d live to experience –good or bad.
A FEW THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN MY FIRST 27 YEARS
1.) Have good (preferably older) friends who love you and understand you, support you and sincerely wish the best for you. Accept their support and learn from their mistakes — it’s WAY easier that way.
2.) Steer clear of awful people. They’ll get you down, irritate the hell out of you and bring nothing good to your life. And if you can’t avoid them, don’t pretend to like them. You might be the only one willing to do so. And how are you possibly supposed to keep that up?
3.) If you have an opinion, share it if you care. If you don’t care, save your breath.
4.) If collecting and using as many as coupons as possible means you can buy a car with one “easy” payment, DO IT. If people make fun of you for your coupon usage, get them hooked too. If they still make fun, make them buy.
5.) Realtors are not your friend.
6.) When caught speeding, your chances of getting out of it increase if you’re perfectly honest. Unless you’re my dad. Or any other male. Or were clocked going more than 35 over. This being said, NEVER admit to not wearing your seatbelt in Minnesota.
7.) Saying “no” can save you from a ton of B.S.
8.) If the ugliest man alive (Will Ferrell) is able to make it as an actor in numerous movies, anything is possible.
9.) If at first you don’t succeed, pretend like you weren’t giving it your all.
10.) Anything can be fun so long as you make it a competition. “Let’s see who can pick more weeds in the yard!” Seriously… it works.
11.) “Jersey Shore” shouldn’t exist.
12.) A good amount of red wine is really good. Too good of an amount is not so good.
13.) Doing the things that have always scared you gives you a feeling nothing else will.
14.) There is no reason to still not be enjoying 4-5 Flintstone vitamins per day.
A COUPLE THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D LEARN/KNOW/DO (But did and/or do.)
1.) Travel abroad and make it back alive and healthy.
2.) Get wrinkles.
3.) Buy a house by myself.
4.) Curb my fear of children.
5.) Save for retirement
6.) Look forward to retirement
7.) Feel guilty about my sugar intake
8.) Quit driving like a maniac
9.) Wear “comfys” to bed
10.) Enjoy country music
11.) Go to a rock concert
12.) Voluntarily knit
13.) Drive, let alone own and fall in love with, a Geo Metro. Four door sedan at it’s finest!
14.) See a Steelers game at Heinz Field
THINGS I HAVE YET TO DO.
1.) Save a life
2.) Donate 10 gallons of blood (8 to go!)
3.) Repel off a building in Fargo
4.) Donate a wig
5.) Own a muscle car
6.) Start my own business
7.) Sky dive
8.) Travel to Germany, Australia, Ireland, Jamaica, Maine and Alaska
9.) Stop adding to this list and start crossing these things off!
Shootin’ the Wit is a blog about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.