The Latest Approach From A Season Sufferer

I hate winter. Really I do. And I’m not the only one who hates it. Face it, winter can be a huge inconvenience. It’s like a giant corn cob stuck up your rear. Super uncomfortable, hard, and a total pain in the butt.  And, when you think it’s about to wither away, it gets nudged up just a tish further. A royal, lingering pain. And any Northerner who doesn’t agree is either a snowbird, or totally nuts.

Great attitude, huh? Welcome to North Da-Cold-ah.

Each year I try to be positive about it…. “Maybe this year won’t be so bad,” I think, and, actually every few years, it isn’t. For example, last year was a dream come true.  A campfire was comfortably had on my birthday in January.  Without a coat or shoveling, I was able to play 2-on-2 driveway basketball in mid-December. A winter where I ice skated three miles across the lake without having to dodge any snow drifts. I think temps dropped below zero three times. It was perfect.

Sadly, a “winter” like that may never roll around again.

Each winter, I take a trial and error approach, trying something in efforts to lessen the misery .  A few years ago, I got an autostart in my car that’s terrible in the winter. This way, when I got stuck, the car was at least warm.

The year after that, I bought my first pairs of non-kid boots. This made shoveling and digging my car out way less painful than shoveling and digging my car out in tennies.

The next year I found a really big boyfriend who can do amazing things with a grain shovel, like clear my entire sidewalk in the time it takes me to clear one step. The ROI on this one is insurmountable.

Last year, there was no need to medicate. Seeing grass in February was a cure in itself. However, I kept the guy around as a safety mechanism.

Each of my plans to “make it better” have worked to some extent, but it’s a new winter, and I’ve decided I need to make an honest effort to find something I actually love about the winter, besides burying  myself under blankets and complaining.

SIDENOTE: I do love downhill skiing, but considering the landfill is the only piece of land in within a hundred miles that remotely resembles a slope, it’s kind of out of the question unless a lot of traveling is involved. And, not to sound like a ski-snob, but sometimes I think the landfill might be better worth my time.

So I purchased a few things at garage sales in the off season to make this winter less agonizing. Although I’m really not looking forward to using them (they all require me to go outside in below-freezing weather), I’m trying to keep a good attitude.

First, I bought my first pair of comfortable ice skates for $10. I’ve been borrowing skates, or scrounging up an ancient pair from the basement of my parents’ home, but it generally results in sore or bleeding ankles for the next week. When all is said and done, it’s not that much fun.

I also purchased a new pair of cross country skis for $12 and some odd cents (they were supposed to be $14 but I literally was scraping the ash tray in my car to round up enough change). I’d like to say I’m excited to use them, but it’s basically like running in the snow/cold/ice, only with more crap to haul along with you. Again, just trying to keep a good attitude here… I’ve also considered that these skis may become my main means of transportation given I have about as much control maneuvering my Mazda3 on ice as I would in an inner tube.

Let’s see what you’ve got, winter.

Finally, for the low cost of one dollar, I purchased a one-piece snowsuit. It’s a little snug, somewhat short and definitely old, but I’m (possibly overly) excited to wear it on every occasion where it’s semi appropriate. It’s bound to make people laugh, or at least smile.

I’m just hoping it’s contagious.

Shootin’ the Wit is a sporadic blog about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.

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